This is just a small taste of the show as a whole, the little things that I found interesting, funny, insightful and relevant. To hear everything that happened, check out today’s show’s podcast. However, if you’re looking for a quick read along with random self-inserts and my personal thoughts, you’ve come to the right place.
(This is the broad stroke canvas I am basing my appeal on, obviously these notes will be longer and more detailed)
Well it’s here, our last show of the year, so we gave it our all this morning. Chainsaws, tickets, video games, you name it and we had it. However, one thing we didn’t have is meds, which explains why Angi wears the same sweatpants on day 3 because you know she has nothing to defuse the voices in her head. Anyway, Angi tried to remedy the situation but the results were far from outstanding. See, she went to CVS yesterday to fill her 45 prescriptions, but of course everything she needed was sold out. Since one of the side effects of the lack of medication makes her look like a furry lowland gorilla, Angi thought she should get a razor. Well, that and other travel stuff as she plans on getting out of Chicago as soon as her mic drops after the show today. As she wandered the aisles, however, she noticed something absolutely wild. Literally everything in the store was under glass, every single item. While it used to be milk food, condoms and other “expensive” items, today they glaze everything. Oreos, those shitty new stuffed animals, even the hemorrhoid donuts. Annoyed but not deterred, Angi went over to get some Neutrogena facial tissues. As you should have guessed from my other item listing, these were locked. However, it was what wasn’t under glass that caused her to pause. The CVS brand of makeup wipes was not under wraps. Ditto for straight razors, where the Gillette wasn’t allowed to play, but the CVS razors were. Putting two and two together, the amutuer sloothe came to an answer that was painfully obvious. CVS tries to sell its own products by making tires to get the ones you actually want. Fancy waiting 10 minutes for someone to come unlock things, or grabbing the knock-off version? Time is money and CVS knows that and wants to use that knowledge. Seeking a remedy, Saint Abe suggested everyone steal the trademark so everything would be locked up. However, the problem comes when you have 10 things on your list and you have to keep clicking the button to open them. Abe supplemented his suggestions by saying all you had to do was grab the lady and drag her with you to every stop and force her to open whatever you need. Unfortunately for everyone in the shop, Angi had plenty of free time making sure she got what she wanted. She also wore her pressed hat the whole time (to hide her disgusting unwashed hair) so they knew she meant business every time she had to take care of them. Luckily, the entire shopping spree only lasted 4.5 hours.
Other stuff from today’s show
After all, today is our last show of the year, which means Abe brought Angi’s Christmas present for her as she’s leaving town as soon as possible. If you remember, yesterday Abe got his present which was a share of Tesla (gulp), so today it was Angi’s turn. Well, you might also remember yesterday we made fun of Abe wrapping all his gifts in things like garbage bags, grocery bags, and colostomy bags. As a sign of how much he actually cares, Abe put Angi’s gift in an actual holiday bag. Inside was a great shirt and a whole bunch of casino chips for Rivers. So there you go, that’s the last of the Christmas stuff and from me (and the two psychos who keep me around) we wish you all the best in whatever you’re celebrating and thank you for listening. I personally really appreciate anyone who takes the time to read my nonsense. This was a real pleasure for me and amazing to interact with and get to know the roadies as well as having a great distraction for my morning. Cheers to each and every one of you, I look forward to a brand new year in a few weeks as we approach Year 3 of The Angi Taylor Show.
Request Wars 2.0
Master: Abe (Series: 3)
Song selection by Angi (representing Josh): “Mistress for Christmas” by AC/DC
Song selection by Abe (representing Maggie): “Run Rudolph Run” by Billy Gibbons, Dave Grohl and Lemmy
Smack Talk Summary:
Special metal Christmas. Jay the Straight wants a lover for Christmas. Abe said his song was better. Abe says Angi’s song is a regular song on a regular album. Abe doesn’t consider it a Christmas carol. Angi will be every roadie’s lover this Christmas.
Don’t Kill Angi weekly review:
Mon: Angi wanted to win the raffle at the iHeart party
Chris made Angi decide to use her raffle tickets to try and win an Instant Pot at the iHeart Christmas party. After handing in her ticket, Angi went back to the wine fountain and waited for the raffle. A little later in the night, Big Papa finally took the stage and pulled a ticket. Shockingly, the ticket belonged to Angi and for once she was finally a winner. Although a miracle had happened, Angi was anything but enthusiastic that she had to leave the wine fountain to get the heavy box from the price table. With it in hand, she walked back to her table, only to be confronted by none other than Dan “Bass” Levy. The local traffic reporter came up and started yelling at a startled Angi. He was angry because the ticket she put in the raffle box was actually his and not hers. Angry, he grabbed the Instant Pot box and hit Angi’s head with it. When it hit the ground, Bass picked the crate up and dropped it again, popping its head open like one of Gallagher’s watermelons. As he walked away from the mess, he could be heard muttering, “Take it, it’s yours.” (Dead)
Tue: Angi & Abe were TDTF (To Drunk To Function) this morning.
Well, they really weren’t, but it made them sound cool. After filling up on seafood, lamb, pasta and an open bar, Angi & Abe received a Christmas present on a free morning. Now anyone with half a brain would take a free paid day off, so they did just that. (N/A)
Wed: Angi wanted to endure a Ronda Rousey hold
Colleen made Angi decide to let Ronda Rousey move her patented armbar on her for 60 seconds. Ronda stepped into the ring after scowling her way off the stage and was instantly with Angi. Annoyed that she was booked for sleeping in, she threw Angi on the floor and put the armbar on. Within seconds, Angi’s arm snapped and broke with a sickening crunch. However, the 60-second clock continued to tick as Ronda moved and repositioned the arm. As she did so, the skin tore and the bone began to protrude, but all Angi did was laugh in her face. Turns out Ronda broke Angis’ T-Rex arm, which had already been broken twice and had absolutely no feeling in it. The reason Angi felt no pain (other than being drunk and high) was because she knew that when it was all over, the disgusting, repulsive, vulgar, disgusting, and all in all monstrous appendage would be repaired. Angi emerged from the incident alive and with a brand new bionic arm! (Alive)
Do: Angi was kidnapped by Falkor
Rachel made Angi decide that Falkor let her fly to Chicago’s new casino. She actually enjoyed the ride and it was a pleasure to feel the cold wind in her hair. However, when Angi finally arrived, she found a small man sitting on a horse waiting outside the casino doors. She jumped off Falkor and sent him back up into the sky. The boy introduced himself as Atreyu and his horse was called Artax. As Angi listened to the child tell her a literally never-ending story, she began to feel filled with sadness. In fact, the sadness became so overwhelming that Angi walked away from the casino, forgetting why she came in the first place. As she walked the streets, Angi was consumed by the memory of losing to the “Never Ending Story” in Request Wars. Disgusted, Angi walked into a puddle of quicksand and sank into it, content with her death. (Dead)
Fr: Angi wanted to go to Smackdown
Rich made Angi decide to sneak into Panterica’s car to get to Smackdown. After work was done for the day, Angi made it look like she had to go ahead of Abe and Panterica. She immediately rushed to Panterica’s car and jumped in the trunk, knowing she could switch places when she got to her house. A few hours later, a freezing Angi was finally able to get out of Panterica’s trunk and slip under a blanket in the back seat while Panterica fed her chickens. When she finally left the house to go to the show, she called Jason Brown and Marris so they could talk about Angi. “God what a loser bitch she is,” remarked Jason Brown. “Oh yeah.” “Can you believe she wore the same sweatpants three days in a row?” Marris asked. “Oh yeah.” Then they all called a loser. However, all those terrible things that were said about her had finally gotten through to the untreated Angi. She couldn’t control herself and started crying in the back seat. Panterica heard her making noises and stopped the car, looking back and finally realizing that Angi was there. “Oh yeah, what are you doing here?” Angi wanted to explain, but a huge bag of weed fell out of her purse. Panterica saw this and decided that all breaking and entering was forgiven and allowed Angi to go to SmackDown with her. (Alive)
10 o’clock toast:
Everyone involved in the show.
From the roadies to Panterica, myself and of course Abe, Angi appreciates and loves each and every one of you. Thank you from all of us for voting this year and we look forward to a brand new year in a few weeks.
View quotes and tidbits:
“That would be a great show, people shagging their stepmoms.” – Abe
“You can do what Taylor does for husband for experiences, it’s one of the coupon books for all sorts of things like car bubbles, ass chugging in front of the fire and my favorite putting your head under the water so you can make her HOLD UP! “-Min Barb
“She (The Ticket Fairy) looks whorish too, just like Taylor.” -Min Barb
Best Bet of the Week: Take the Chiefs -14 against the Texans